GRIEF in Real Time

This morning I was scrolling through my facebook memories and happened upon this post from 2013, almost a decade ago:

Picture is screenshot of FB memories from 9 years ago. Reads “Worked 14 hours yesterday, 6 today, plus my workout this morning. Tie-yerd!”

It hit me so hard I allowed myself to process my grief in the moment with my FB friends and fam because grief is a normal part of life. There SHOULD BE nothing shameful or secretive about grieving our losses. My chronic illnesses means my body is deteriorating and I can both be thankful for the ability I do have and grieving what I am losing.

I interrupted my planned Wellness Wednesday content to share this with you. This is what grief processing can look like in real time.

“When I saw this memory I gasped! Whew! If I worked 14 hours STRAIGHT in my present body I would be down for weeks. I would be so sick now, my body just can no longer take that stress. From my autoimmune disease to my cartilage free (Which sounds about as good as fat free 🥴) knees my whole body would probably give out and be inflamed for days. 

I’m thankful that I had it when I needed it and I’m adjusting to the limitations of my current body. And honestly, it’s difficult sometimes. That means, yup, grief. 

Grief is a multifaceted learning journey that SEEMS full of contradictions (it’s really just balance tho). Today, I am proud of a body that held up under traumas and monumental stressors. And although sometimes I yearn for that level of energy again I recognize I partially only had it because I didn’t have a choice. I worked hard because hard work was necessary for the life I was cultivating AND the capitalist system is not set up for people who cannot provide physical labor and it sho ain’t set up for care for the poor. 

I’ve been working my body and mind hard, toiling in the work my soul must have. And now I sense a shift in the way I must work going forward.

I don’t want to grind anymore. I’m tired, ya’ll. I have worked my body, probably overworked it honestly. And I’m tired. Ok?

Now, I’m learning to align and thrive and call things into be. Its a different kind of work, but it still takes dedication and practice and trust. 

But I’m not judging or dismissing my season of grinding because life is balance…that grind taught me that if my failing body can bring forth fruit, how much more will my indomitable spirit bring forth abundant fruit.”

I provide a safe space to process grief every 4th wednesday via zoom. If you need some support as you grief major life changes and losses, join us. Register via the link below.